RIP Max

Death. They say it is part of life. I disagree. Death is like a period at the end of a sentence. It is supposed to bring closure to life. I think it is another chapter in the book that makes you who you are.

I adopted a grey tabby cat in February 1992. I fell in love with him the minute I saw him at the animal shelter. I already had a name and wanted to bring him home as a companion to my first cat Murray. The tag on his cage said he wasn't available until Monday. I waited and worried that he would be gone before I could get a chance to get him. On Monday Brendan and I went to the shelter only to find a long line of people. My heart sank as I saw my chances of getting that little grey tabby dwindling. The God smiled on me and when the doors opened, two lines formed, one for dogs and one for cats. The swarm of people swam to the dog line, leaving me at the head of the cat line. I blurted his cage number, hoping they hadn't moved him. The lady at the counter asked if I wanted to double check. I said Nope, I knew what I wanted. I named him Max. He had a constant purr and came to our family to be known as "the nudger". He was the friendly cat when visitors came to our house, dominating our guests with his meow and constant need for attention. Originally I had a collar on him but he was an indoor cat, so he really didn't need it and when I took it off he had a ring around his neck with no fur that never grew back.

Years passed and Max would be Max. He always wanted a lap, trying unsuccessfully to sneak in my lap while I sit here at the computer. He thought I didn't know when he would curl up and go to sleep while I played away. His favorite foods were: Chicken- You could lose a digit when you offered him poultry. Vanilla pudding- Brendan's staple for his lunch and a constant favorite of a cat who would stuff his entire head in the plastic cup to lick every single bit out. French Fries- He would eat any kind but Wendy's was top on his list.

He has always been the runt of the group with his pointy toes. Age took its tole on him and he began to loose weight and the contours of his face was more gaunt. On Wednesday he didn't want to eat. I did get him to drink water. On Thursday he was disoriented and staggered around a bit, but still mostly sleeping. I tried to force feed him wet food mixed with water, but it wasn't working. Last night Brendan and I knew the day we feared and dreaded was coming. I have always said I would not know if I would stay in the room when it was time to put him to sleep or I would leave because I just couldn't take it.

I knew in my mind it was time but telling a loved member of your family goodbye was breaking my heart. I took him to his regular vet, a Philippine doctor who Max hates. He would drool when it was time for his vaccinations. This time he didn't want to come out of the carrier. She knew when she looked at him that the prognosis wasn't good. They took his temperature, a bit too low for a cat and weighed him. He weighed a little over 5 pounds. I tried to be brave. When I imagined doing this I didn't think I would be alone. The vet said she thought it was kidney failure and old age. I wanted Brendan and I to both be there to say goodbye and be the family unit for the one in need. Alas it was not meant to be. I was alone signing a card to euthanize my beloved pet and filling out a card for cremation. When she stated the options the word "dispose" made my stomach drop. I rescued him and I promised all my critters that they would never be dumped again. At that moment I knew I needed to bring my baby home even if it was just his feline remains. The vet left me in the room to sit with him and prepare to face the prospect of bringing home an empty carrier. She met with a couple in the next room who ultimately decided to put their dog down. Death. There it is again. She came back and asked if I needed more time. I knew it was time to give him up. While we sat in the chair I prayed that my mother would be there for Max and comfort him until we meet again. I could imagine dying and not having the critters of my life not waiting there for me. I cry for each of the ones I have lost, from the goldfish to the elder fur child Max. I handed Max over to the assistant and repeated that I loved him and he was taken to the back room. She said it is better for us if they took care of it. The vet said he would be sent to the Crematorium on Tuesday. She said he would be frozen which made me almost want to faint, until he could be sent out. The thought of my baby sitting in a cold freezer makes me ill but it is what it is. I have spent the day trying to keep it together but the house is missing something and everybody here knows it but isn't sure what to do about it. I know I did the right thing. He didn't suffer. That is left for us here at home.

Death. Not a part of life but another chapter in the book of life. The final chapter. Rest in Peace, I love you Max, now and always.

One down 4 to go!

Well it's Monday! The day started off with the alarm going off and hour early. OK, first of all I am not a morning person. I don't jump out of bed with a "Whoo hoo" attitude! It is more like the comic strip Garfield where he hates Mondays and is not a morning person. I would consider myself a lot like Garfield! A cat who loves to nap!

Work was good. I like working for this company as the last one was really "hell on earth"! I had a boss who spent his days playing backgammon and connect 4 while screaming obscenities out of his office at his employees! Think Jabba the Hut and you now know what he looks like. This job is good. My boss is a really sweet woman, kinda keeps to herself somewhat. I am never really quite sure what is going on with her and I don't want to pry but I lend whatever support I can, when I can. I am not in charge for once and that is different in itself. I do what I do and quite well I would say. My jobs I have always been the "go to" person. That is both good and bad I guess. But I am not taking on as much with this job. Maybe it's my age or I don't want to overstep my bounds. I get to take Sam with me. He is well loved and spoiled rotten by everyone but the mailman! He hates Sam and I think the feeling is mutual. Sam knows when people want to get to know him and the mailman is rude and always in a hurry. The Fed Ex guy brings him doggies treats, the Sparklets guy sat on the floor to get to know him and the Dentist next door thinks hes great as well. Sam is a rescue dog, one who was abused and frightened. He has come a very long way but still needs lots of love. He waits for Amy and is upset if she is late. He wanders down the hall looking for her and pouts until she comes in! Sam = 1 spoiled dog!

I haven't had a dog since I was a kid but he is like having a child. I didn't consider myself much of a dog person but have learned I guess I am. He keeps me company and he now loves riding in the car and of course going to work with me each day. I get up and if Brendan is home, Sam will snuggle with Brendan until I head to the other bathroom to put on my makeup. At that point, Sam bolts for the door afraid I won't take him with me. He rides in the seat behind me and stares out the window. So far he is not a wind in his face kinda dog. He loves going to work with me, sleeping next to my desk til his 10:30 am walk. I get some much needed exercise and fresh air. Sam gets to pee all through the neighborhood and upset the other dogs! I feed him around noon, then its nap time until 2:30 when Amy takes him for his afternoon walk. He wanders down the hall to remind her that its time to go! We have been practicing walking to and from the car without the leash and so far he has done really well.

Came home to water leaking from the ceiling. A small pinhole in a pipe but enough to scare the crap out of me envisioning the bathtub falling through the ceiling into the kitchen. Called Brendan in a panic and luckily he was just pulling in. I have no idea how long the leak has been going on, but like I said "It's a Monday!"

Getting back to it

I have been working since my last post on my photography. I went to the camera store to buy filters and get some help regarding software for my photos. On my walks with Sam, the dog I carried my camera and shot photos of the neighborhood where I work. There are beautiful plants blooming this time of year. I downloaded some trial versions of Photoshop Elements and created my first digital page. Not bad for not having a clue as to what all the buttons were for!

The picture was taken with two dear friends at J's Tapas where a band I support plays one Friday a month. Champagne Sunday is their name and their second album is due in late June, early July. In actuality it is Arla's daughters band. Her name is Jessi and when I grow up I want to be just like her! She is full of life and knows what she wants and is working her butt off to get it. I wanted to take some photos to put up on their website under "Friends and Family" I hope to get them digitally created and sent to them to publish on their site.

I consider my husband and zoo of critters to be my family and I am particular about my friends. There was a recent episode of "Greys Anatomy" where the brilliant Dr. Hahn says to her friend Callie "I don't make friends easily". She make this statement not once, but twice emphasizing that it takes a lot for her to put herself out there. I thought that scene was written for me! I consider myself to be a good person, somewhat selfish but always willing to lend a hand. I have been used and abused when it comes to friendships, but I have learned a lot about who I am and what I can be because of those relationships. I don't feel that I "fit in" anywhere but home and rather as an outcast looking in. Even with Arla and Rica, both are beautiful women who can sing and have talent just oozing from their pores! I am again the old fat chick who is along for the ride, the third wheel keeping everyone safe and sound. My saving grace again is my angel of a husband Brendan. He keeps me grounded and allows me to be the one thing I am always afraid of being - ME. I don't tell him enough but I love you Brendan....

First Try

Ok, here is the first try at blogging. I just finished reading a wonderful magazine called Artful Blogging that covers all the reasons I want to do this: better photography, more artwork and a renewed sense of creativity. I figure this blog should encompass my rants, momentary lapses of reality and hopefully a great sense of fulfilment. I am ordinary woman who is "creative" but not overly artistic. People disagree with that last statement but in my world it is what I believe.

I want this to be the place where "I let it all out" so that I can "take more in". I toss this out to the universe and will see what comes back. I start this journey now.....