RIP Max

Death. They say it is part of life. I disagree. Death is like a period at the end of a sentence. It is supposed to bring closure to life. I think it is another chapter in the book that makes you who you are.

I adopted a grey tabby cat in February 1992. I fell in love with him the minute I saw him at the animal shelter. I already had a name and wanted to bring him home as a companion to my first cat Murray. The tag on his cage said he wasn't available until Monday. I waited and worried that he would be gone before I could get a chance to get him. On Monday Brendan and I went to the shelter only to find a long line of people. My heart sank as I saw my chances of getting that little grey tabby dwindling. The God smiled on me and when the doors opened, two lines formed, one for dogs and one for cats. The swarm of people swam to the dog line, leaving me at the head of the cat line. I blurted his cage number, hoping they hadn't moved him. The lady at the counter asked if I wanted to double check. I said Nope, I knew what I wanted. I named him Max. He had a constant purr and came to our family to be known as "the nudger". He was the friendly cat when visitors came to our house, dominating our guests with his meow and constant need for attention. Originally I had a collar on him but he was an indoor cat, so he really didn't need it and when I took it off he had a ring around his neck with no fur that never grew back.

Years passed and Max would be Max. He always wanted a lap, trying unsuccessfully to sneak in my lap while I sit here at the computer. He thought I didn't know when he would curl up and go to sleep while I played away. His favorite foods were: Chicken- You could lose a digit when you offered him poultry. Vanilla pudding- Brendan's staple for his lunch and a constant favorite of a cat who would stuff his entire head in the plastic cup to lick every single bit out. French Fries- He would eat any kind but Wendy's was top on his list.

He has always been the runt of the group with his pointy toes. Age took its tole on him and he began to loose weight and the contours of his face was more gaunt. On Wednesday he didn't want to eat. I did get him to drink water. On Thursday he was disoriented and staggered around a bit, but still mostly sleeping. I tried to force feed him wet food mixed with water, but it wasn't working. Last night Brendan and I knew the day we feared and dreaded was coming. I have always said I would not know if I would stay in the room when it was time to put him to sleep or I would leave because I just couldn't take it.

I knew in my mind it was time but telling a loved member of your family goodbye was breaking my heart. I took him to his regular vet, a Philippine doctor who Max hates. He would drool when it was time for his vaccinations. This time he didn't want to come out of the carrier. She knew when she looked at him that the prognosis wasn't good. They took his temperature, a bit too low for a cat and weighed him. He weighed a little over 5 pounds. I tried to be brave. When I imagined doing this I didn't think I would be alone. The vet said she thought it was kidney failure and old age. I wanted Brendan and I to both be there to say goodbye and be the family unit for the one in need. Alas it was not meant to be. I was alone signing a card to euthanize my beloved pet and filling out a card for cremation. When she stated the options the word "dispose" made my stomach drop. I rescued him and I promised all my critters that they would never be dumped again. At that moment I knew I needed to bring my baby home even if it was just his feline remains. The vet left me in the room to sit with him and prepare to face the prospect of bringing home an empty carrier. She met with a couple in the next room who ultimately decided to put their dog down. Death. There it is again. She came back and asked if I needed more time. I knew it was time to give him up. While we sat in the chair I prayed that my mother would be there for Max and comfort him until we meet again. I could imagine dying and not having the critters of my life not waiting there for me. I cry for each of the ones I have lost, from the goldfish to the elder fur child Max. I handed Max over to the assistant and repeated that I loved him and he was taken to the back room. She said it is better for us if they took care of it. The vet said he would be sent to the Crematorium on Tuesday. She said he would be frozen which made me almost want to faint, until he could be sent out. The thought of my baby sitting in a cold freezer makes me ill but it is what it is. I have spent the day trying to keep it together but the house is missing something and everybody here knows it but isn't sure what to do about it. I know I did the right thing. He didn't suffer. That is left for us here at home.

Death. Not a part of life but another chapter in the book of life. The final chapter. Rest in Peace, I love you Max, now and always.